


The Ties that Bind

by mendeshoney



Series: Bound To You [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Post-Break Up, Toronto Maple Leafs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 09:27:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16870414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mendeshoney/pseuds/mendeshoney
Summary: Auston thinks he's been keeping his dirty secret from you pretty well. He's wrong, so very wrong.This is how it ends.





	1. Chapter 1

It was no secret.

You could tell by the way he would come home late every night, some nights he wouldn’t come home at all. When you both went out, you saw the lingering looks he gave to other women while his hand still rested on your thighs. Watched him as he flirted with them at the bar while you sat mere feet away.

You could tell in his posture sometimes, the way he would inch away from you, how he didn’t notice whether or not you had left his side, too enraptured by his phone. He would say “I love you” but there would be no weight to it, nothing in his eyes, nothing that told you the boy you fell in love with at nineteen was still right there, in front of you.

You’d been told before that it was unrealistic to want a long-term relationship like this - falling in love and staying together for the rest of your lives. You didn’t listen to them. You thought you two were the exception. Because here, at twenty three, you were still together, you were still in love, you thought after four years certainly you had proved all the critics wrong.

But that was then, and this is now.

Keeping secrets, hushed phone calls in the hallway, the bathroom, the kitchen, sometimes even while he lies next to you in bed, when the sun is barely rising through the window, the glow of the room hiding the fact that you were wide awake when you heard him whisper unintelligibly through the phone.

It was no secret. The answer was obvious, a bright neon sign right in your face, but one you chose to pointedly ignore.

One you would deny.

One you refused to acknowledge.

Because your heart was still clinging onto hope. Because you still loved him. Because all you ever did was love him. Because you don’t know where you went wrong. Because you didn’t do anything wrong. Because you were hoping it was a lie, that he would prove you wrong.

Because the engagement ring on your finger still meant something to you, even if it meant nothing to Auston.

~

When Auston proposed about a year ago, during the Leafs’ Casino Night, there were definitely a lot of mixed reactions. It was unexpected on your part, because you were both still so young at twenty two, but he couldn’t help it.

“I know this is sudden, and I know we’ve only been together for three years, and I know that we’re still young, but I’m so in love with you. I want to marry you, I want to be your husband.” He said, after you had said yes. He could see that you were happy about it, but that you had questions in your eyes.

There were others in the room who weren’t as enthusiastic as Auston.

For one, their goaltender, and one of Auston’s best friends, was none too pleased. He explicitly told Auston that he was making a mistake. Naz, Connor Brown, and Nikita also shared the sentiment, telling Auston that maybe he should wait a little longer.

But Auston didn’t listen - didn’t care because he had you, and you said yes, and that was all he needed.

~

Kappy reluctantly knocks on your door, Auston still waiting in the passenger seat of his car that’s parked in your driveway. He’s drunk out of his mind, and Kappy offered to drive him home, figuring he’d take an Uber or just borrow Auston’s car to get home.

He knows you’re asleep, feels bad for waking you up like this because once you open the door, there’s no way that you won’t know what’s going on. Kappy sees the lights in the house go on, and can hear you coming down the stairs before your sleepy figure opens the door.

He internally sighs - doesn’t know how a girl as beautiful as you ended up with an undeserving asshole like Auston.

“Kappy?” You ask, frowning. You rub your eyes, attempting to wake yourself up, and you look behind him, can see Auston slumped over in the passenger seat of his car, clearly heavily intoxicated.

You frown even harder - it breaks Kappy’s heart - but slip on some shoes. “Thanks for getting him home,” you murmur. “I can get him inside.”

Kappy shakes his head. “I can help.”

The two of you head back to Auston’s car, maneuvering him out of his seatbelt, out of the car and into the house. Kappy feels bad, because by the look on your face, you can tell that Aus has been all over another girl, or girls, yet he’s bringing him home to you, his fiancé, because Aus has nowhere else to go. There’s lipstick on his mouth and neck, he smells like someone else’s perfume - the evidence is all over him, and Kappy knows if you didn’t know before then you know now.

But you don’t say a word, just bring him inside and up to your bedroom, tucking him in before shutting the door.

Kappy scratches the back of his head, clearly at a loss for words. “I can stay, help you take care of him if you want.”

You shake your head. “No it’s okay, you can go, I can take care of him.”

“What about his car?”

“Take it.” You say. “He’ll be fine without it.”  _It wouldn’t be the first time._

Silently, you usher him back downstairs and to the front door. “Thank you for bringing him home.” You say quietly.

Kappy frowns. “Where else would I bring him?” The minute the words leave his mouth, he wants to take them back, didn’t mean to insinuate that Auston had other options. But you shrug it off.

“Thank you, Kasperi.” You murmur, shutting the door.

You decide to let Auston have the bed, knowing he’s probably knocked out and taken up majority of it by now, so you opt for the guest bedroom, falling soundly asleep in minutes.

The next morning, you’re up before Auston, so you shower quickly in the guest bathroom before heading into your bedroom to put on a clean pair of clothes. Once dressed, you grab a water bottle from the mini fridge and the bottle of Advil from the bathroom cabinet, and place it on the nightstand.

Glancing at Auston’s sleeping figure, you can make out the faint smudges of lipstick on his skin, the sight another dagger in your heart, but like everything else, you choose to ignore it. You place a gentle kiss on his forehead before shutting the door and heading back downstairs. You busy yourself with eating a quick and light breakfast before going out on a run to clear your head.

When you get back, the house is silent, and there’s a note on the coffee table from Auston.

_**Going out, don’t know when I’ll be back. Don’t wait up.** _

~

Your leg is bouncing anxiously as you look at the tall Dane across from you.

Freddie kind of doesn’t like you, has never really liked you, not before or after your engagement. When Auston first introduced the two of you, Freddie was disinterested, and every time you hung out, or every time he came over to your house to spend time with Auston, he wouldn’t say one word to you unless it was “hi,” “thank you,” “no thank you,” or “bye.”

So the fact that he agreed to meet with you is surprising.

He eyes you suspiciously. “Is there a reason you texted me and asked me to get coffee with you?”

“Yes.” You say. “I uh…I was wondering if you um, if you-”

“Yes?” He asks, clearly impatient.

“Do you think I should break up with Auston?”

The words are out of your brain at one speed and out of your mouth at another, and at your question, the boy in front of you is clearly shocked. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Because you don’t like me, so there’s no reason for you to lie to me to protect my feelings, because you don’t care about them.”

He frowns. “That’s not-”

“Are you going to answer my question?”

“I’ll ask you again,  _why_  are you asking  _me_  that?”

You narrow your eyes at him. “To get an honest answer, like I said.”

Freddie stares at you a moment, taking in your appearance. It looks like you haven’t slept in days, and judging by the red circles and dark bags under your eyes, he can tell this is something you’ve been beating yourself up about.

He takes in your long hair tossed into a messy bun, stray hairs delicately framing your somber expression and he sighs - you were beautiful, that much he’d admit.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like you, he thought you were a decent person, but…well, he was protective of Auston, saw him like a little brother, and you just weren’t good enough for his little brother.

Still, did that mean you deserved any of this?

He sighs. “I’ll admit that Auston’s said that he isn’t happy, that he feels trapped.”

“Oh.” You say.

Something about the way you say it doesn’t make Freddie feel good  _at all_ , and he wants to stop himself, but he can’t. “He told the locker room at one point that he was thinking of ending things with you.”

“Was this recent?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

Freddie frowns. “Look, maybe if you make the first move and leave him, then it’ll be easier for the both of you.”

You nod, keeping your face stoic. “Can I ask…is it because he found someone else?”

Freddy lies, says “No,” and you only know he’s lying because he won’t look at you.

And it’s the first time through this entire lunch that he won’t look at you.

~

Auston zips up his suitcase as you watch from the head of the bed, frowning internally, but keeping your expression schooled on the outside so you don’t cause an argument.

He told you three days ago when you came home from a run that he was leaving to go on a two week trip to Arizona to be with his family. He tells you that Ema invited you, if you were interested, and before you can smile and accept the offer, Auston tells you he’d prefer that you not go.

“I just want to be with my family.” Was his reason. “It hasn’t been just us for a while, and I know that you want to come, but…I just need to be around them right now.”

And that…that stung, a lot, because since when have you not been his family?

But you gave him a tight smile and a curt nod, silently agreeing as you went upstairs to cry in the shower.

If Auston was sorry for how this was making you feel, he wasn’t showing it. He grabs his backpack and slings it on, stuffing his phone in his pocket before giving you a kiss on the forehead and leaving.

You let it slide, send a text to his mother telling them to have fun, and she sends one back, saying ** _Miss you, wish you could make it!_**

It’s three days into the trip that you get a message on Instagram from a random user with three pictures attached. The message reads,  ** _You don’t know me, but I’m here at this restaurant in AZ and I think Auston’s cheating on you_**

The pictures are zoomed in, definitely taken discretely from afar, but you can see Auston with another girl - blonde and skinny - and in two of the pictures, they’re kissing.

And that’s just…it.

You knew for a while that this was happening - it was no secret. You watched him flirt and you knew he came home at ungodly hours after doing god knows what, but to actually see it? To see the evidence in front of your face? To see Auston, your fiance, kissing another woman?

If there ever was a sign, this was it.

You grab your suitcase from under the bed, along with a couple of empty amazon boxes, and start the long process of packing.

~

It’s been three days since the pictures were sent to you, and you’ve gotten through your progress of packing up pretty well. You went out and rented a small storage unit, and anything that was yours before you met Auston, along with most of your other personal belongings were already safely placed inside. There’s another small stack of boxes in the living room, and you’re getting ready to run some of your clothes that you don’t want and don’t wear to a second hand store when the doorbell rings.

When you open it, you’re surprised to see Christina Marleau, who looks at you in shock.

“I saw your car in the driveway, and I remembered that Auston’s in the middle of his trip. Why aren’t you with him?”

You’re reluctant to let her in, don’t want her to see all the boxes.

“I didn’t want to go.” You lie. “I figured it’d be better if he spent some quality time with his family?”

Christina raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at you. You sigh, letting her into the house and out of the summer heat. As she enters the living room, she eyes the packed boxes wearily.

“Where are you going?”

“Just putting things in storage.” It’s half true.

Christina knows something is up, though, can see past your little facade. “Don’t lie to me.”

You sigh. “Auston’s cheating on me.” And that…came out blunt, more so than you intended. “I uh…I think I knew, for about a year, but I was sent pictures three days ago, so…”

She frowns. “No way.”

You take out your phone, opening Instagram and pulling up the message before handing her your phone to look at. You can see shock and disappointment all over her face before she hands it back to you, expression fraught, clearly looking for something to say. “But…that makes no sense. Auston _loves_  you.”

“He told the whole locker room that he wasn’t happy with me, that he was going to end things, so I’m sure Patrick knows, or at least has an idea that Auston doesn’t love me, not really.” Christina is definitely upset at that. You can tell she wants to offer to intervene, but you know it’s not a good idea, so you shake your head at her and you reject the unspoken offer. “It’s okay. I’ve come to terms with it at this point. I need to do this on my own.”

~

You’re sitting on the bed you’ve shared with Auston for the past three years, packed suitcase tucked under the bed, working up the courage to decide if you should leave Auston, and it’s killing you inside. You’re running low on time - Auston’s flight from Arizona arrive about ten minutes ago, and you have about an hour before he comes home, and you’re hoping to make a decision before then.

You really love him and you want to stay with him, but it’s obvious that he isn’t happy and that he doesn’t want to be with you. And if the pictures of him with that beautiful model while he was in Arizona are any indication, he definitely has someone else already. So what’s the use? You might as well leave. But you’re so in love with him, and he asked to marry you. That had to count for something, right?

Maybe you wouldn’t leave him, not yet. Maybe you’d talk this out and just keep your suitcase there as a backup plan.

When you hear his keys in the front door, you sigh to yourself, trying to figure out how this is going to work when Auston’s voice rings through the house.

“Baby?! Are you here? I’m home!”

And he sounds…cheery.

That has you out of bed, wiping away the tears and meeting him at the top of the stairs. At the sound of your footsteps, Auston looks up at you, smile as bright as ever, a smile you haven’t seen in  _months_.

“Hi?” You manage to squeak out, carefully descending the stairs. Auston meets you at the bottom, scooping you up into a tight hug, burying his face into your neck and pressing soft kisses there. You’re stunned, frozen for a moment before you gently return the hug, grip loose.

When he pulls away and puts you down, he’s still smiling at you, and his eyes are almost…twinkling.

Another sight you haven’t seen in months.

“I missed you  _so much_.” He says. Auston turns around, grabbing something from the other side of the couch, and when he turns back, you’re surprised at what he holds out to you.

It’s a bouquet of daisies - gerbera daisies, your favorite - along with a bottle of wine. You can’t help the small smile that stretches on to your lips at the gesture. “Do you like it?” He asks quietly, hands resting on your waist.

You look up at him and nod, murmuring a “Thank you,” and Auston responds by pressing a gentle and loving kiss on your lips.

Which… _what?_

He moans a little into the kiss, bringing his hands up and into your hair, pulling lightly so you tilt your head back, opening up a little to him. You can’t help but moan yourself, the familiarity of this, the intimacy of it all something you missed terribly in these last few months.

But then you remember your suitcase under the bed, and you’re reminded at how out of place this is.

You start to pull back, start to gather the words to ask Auston what’s happening, but before you can, he kisses your forehead, murmurs “I love you so much” into your hairline and that’s just…not fair.

Your heart is beating in your chest, harder than it was earlier. “I love you too, Aus.”

He smiles and takes your hand, interlacing your fingers as he pulls you into the kitchen. He helps you grab a vase for your flowers and puts the wine in the fridge, and you can’t help but watch him as he moves around the space, mouth open a little in confusion.

Auston sees you standing still and laughs. “What’s wrong baby?” He questions quietly, wrapping his arms around you and trapping you against the counter.

“I just…I’m a little surprised to see you this happy.”

Something flashes in his eyes, and he nods, putting a little space between you two. “I am happy though, I promise. I’m happy with you. Right here.”

You feel like there’s a double meaning there, but you don’t call him on it. You’re still trying to figure out what’s going on when he retreats into the living room, returning in a minute with three grocery bags.

He’s smiling, holding them up like prizes. “I’m making Pozole and Chilaquiles for dinner. Gonna wine and dine you and romance you. I even brought back my mom’s hot sauce.”

And that’s…also definitely weird. Auston rarely ever cooks Mexican food anymore, hasn’t done it since your birthday last year. And the fact that he said he’s going to  _romance_  you?

You’re starting to feel like this is some psychology trick, like you imagined him getting upset and becoming distant, like you imagined the pictures sent to you.

But you didn’t, they were real. But  _this_ was also real. Wasn’t it?

You definitely zoned out a little because the next thing you know, all the ingredients are sprawled across the kitchen island and Auston’s in your space again, peppering kisses all over your face. “You still in there, baby?” He murmurs.

All this affection makes you dizzy as Auston picks you up and sits you on the counter so you can watch him cook, like old times.

It’s  _weird_ , all of this is, you’ve decided so you ask “Auston. What’s going on?”

He sighs, taking a step back, but not looking away from your eyes when he says “It was shitty of me to tell you not to come to Arizona with me. I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like you’re not my family, because you are. And I know I’ve been an asshole lately and I’m sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I know that I can’t. We’re engaged, and I need to start acting like it. I promise you, I’m going to be better. I’m going to be the husband you deserve.”

He takes your hand, holding it tight. “If you’ll still have me, I’d like to be yours.”

You can’t help but ask “Just mine?”

Auston blinks at you, a little shocked. “Of course, only ever yours.”

He looks so sincere, in a way you haven’t seen in a long time. And maybe it’s your foolish heart, maybe it’s the last shred of hope you’ve been clinging to that you can save this relationship that had you nodding, and Auston smiles, cupping your face in his hands to plant a sweet kiss on your lips. “Thank you for giving me that honor, to be yours.” He murmurs, lips soft as they continue towards your neck.

~

Throughout the rest of the summer, Auston starts to pay attention to you more, slowly reverting back to the man you fell in love with, the one you used to know so well.

He’s definitely a lot more clingy, far more talkative, and he constantly wants to be around you and listen to you talk about anything and everything. Whenever you’re out, his hand is always in yours, and he’s all about PDA.

As nice as it is to be loved like this again, you can’t help your hesitation sometimes. There are days where you’re closed off, suspicious, wondering to yourself  _why is he acting this way?_

And Auston, well, he can tell. Neither of you have spoken about it. You have a feeling that Auston knows that you know about his…er…indiscretions. You want to talk to him about it desperately, but you also don’t know if you’re ready to hear the truth just yet.

And he’s not ready to tell it to you.

So you both skirt around the truth, focus on your relationship and on repairing what you can, and you’re both secretly praying it all works out for the best.

~

Auston surprises you one night by coming home dressed in a white button up and khaki shorts, a shopping bag in his hand containing a yellow sundress and nude heels.

“I want to take you out on a date,” he explains.

You change into the dress and shoes, tying your long hair into a bun and opting to wear your favorite necklace - one Auston bought for your anniversary, and one you haven’t worn in a long time.

He brings you to a new restaurant that just opened downtown, it’s both fancy but fun, and you both enjoy yourselves over large plates of pasta and bottles of wine and champagne. You haven’t had this much fun with Auston in quite some time, and it’s nice, to loosen up and openly hold his hand and hear him tell you over and over again how beautiful you look, how amazing you are, how much he loves you, and how much he can’t wait to marry you.

And the alcohol keeps coming - after the restaurant the two of you head to a club near your house, downing drink after drink, dancing until your feet hurt and Auston can barely hold himself up.

You take an uber home, and on the way, Auston keeps his hand on your thigh, squeezing every now and again before his hand slowly creeps higher, and higher, moving under your dress and toward your clothed mound.

You take a sharp inhale, goosebumps rising on your skin. While the two of you have been working things out, you haven’t gone much further than intense make out sessions, haven’t even dared, but it appears a little liquid courage has you both on edge.

You’re out of the uber and into your house in seconds, barely shutting the front door before Auston’s pinned you up against it, hands all over you as he tries to take you in and strip you down all at once. Your hands take purchase on his shoulders, trying to hold yourself up in your alcohol induced stupor.

His lips are warm and inviting on your skin, trailing hot kisses from your lips to your neck to your shoulder, where he playfully removes the strap of your dress with his teeth. The feeling of his canines scraping against your skin has you arching into him, strangled moan leaving your lips as his hands roam lower.

Auston’s hands bunch your dress up enough for him to get his fingers at the band of your underwear, pushing them down your legs and you kick them off and to the side, allowing him to lift your leg around his waist. He grinds into you, planting another hot open mouthed kiss to your skin as he unzips his pants, pushes them and his underwear down a little to free his cock before you feel it at your entrance, then he’s biting down on your neck as he presses inside.

You haven’t been intimate like this in  _months_  now that you realize it. The stretch of his cock is familiar, but one you haven’t felt in quite some time, and it makes you cry out, nails scraping down his biceps as he bottoms out, groaning so loud it makes his chest vibrate.

“My fucking god,” he says, breathing out a laugh. “I missed this. You’re always so _tight_.”

He takes another moment before he carefully pulls his hips back before pushing back in and you moan again, Auston working up a steady pace. He’s so into it, so vocal, like this is your first time all over again.

He keeps praising how good you feel, how wet you are and how your bodies were made for one another. It’s desperate and needy and he’s got you coming around him in no time, but he doesn’t stop to let you catch your breath. He fucks you through it, face buried in your neck as you shake in his arms.

“Let me make love to you.” He murmurs. “Let me show you that I love you.”

You’re so far gone at this point that you can’t do anything but nod, and he places his hands under your thighs, lifting you up and wrapping your legs around him so he can carry you upstairs.

Auston gently places you on the bed, brushing your hair to the side as he drops to his knees, parting your legs.

“Can I?” He asks, looking up at you from under his lashes. “Can I taste you? Please?”

You nod once, and he smiles, tongue lapping at you from your entrance to your clit, collecting your wetness on his tongue and he moans, wrapping his arms around your thighs before burying his face in your cunt, sucking and licking and curling his tongue just the way he knows you like.

“Oh my god,” you breathe out, one hand flying to his hair, propping yourself up on one elbow.

He’s completely eager about it, doesn’t let up until you’re coming hard, back arching off the bed and pressing his face further into you, and his hands lock around, taking everything you’ve got to give him until you’ve come down.

When he stands up, you realize both of you still have all of your clothes on, which you quickly rectify before getting him onto the bed. You straddle his hips, sinking onto his cock and working up a quick rhythm to make him come. He’s groaning your name underneath you, pulls you down to him then asks “Can I kiss you?”

You answer by pressing your lips to his, and his hands fall to your hips. He braces himself on his feet and fucks up into you in a fast pace and then he’s coming, burying his cock deep inside of you, swearing and cursing but praising you all at the same time.

It’s a mixture of the sex, the alcohol, and the overwhelming feeling of being like this again with Auston that has you asleep in minutes.

When you wake up in the morning, naked body being held by Auston’s, you want to be happy, you want to be ecstatic and fall back asleep like nothing happened - but you can’t. You feel dirty, used, like you’re just another girl he’s sleeping with now and not his fiancé, and you suddenly remember your packed suitcase under the bed.

You want to grab it - want to put on some clothes and run, but you know that it’s not fair - so you leave it alone. Instead, you decide to take a shower, figure that’ll calm you down and clear your head.

As you’re getting out of bed, Auton’s phone vibrates on his bedside table. You can’t help yourself - you look over and see a text from an unsaved number that says  ** _Call me when you wake up baby, can’t wait to see you today!_**  followed by a picture of the same girl in the photos in a strapless sundress, the skirt of it lifted up enough to show off a red lace thong.

It makes you sick, has you scrambling for the bathroom and hugging the toilet, throwing up the contents of your stomach and crying pathetically.

You should have known all of this was too good to be true, you should’ve known that all of this was just a lie, a scheme so Auston could have his cake and eat it too.

It’s time. If not now, then there won’t ever be another time. So you quickly shower, work yourself up to start raising hell the moment you’re done, get it in your head that you’re going to throw on some clothes, grab your suitcase, throw your ring at Auston’s stupid sleeping face and walk out of his life.

Except, when you finally come out of the bathroom, Auston’s nowhere to be found. All that’s left is a note on his side of the bed that says  _ **Went to hang out with Fred, be home later baby. Don’t forget we’re going to a team dinner tonight!**_

And really, you should’ve walked out when you had the chance.

~

You’re holding your fourth glass of champagne in the last hour, trying to get some liquid courage inside of you to hold yourself together and not make a scene. You’re sitting at a table in this fancy restaurant with Sydney, Stephanie, and Lexi, listening to them talk about their recent vacation, all three women looking as tan and beautiful as ever.

You haven’t seen Auston in about forty five minutes, having stalked off not too long ago with Mitch to go say hi to some other people. Not that you want to see him - you just want to know how much longer it’s going to be before you can go home and tell him that you’re leaving, that you can’t do this anymore, you can’t live this lie and you won’t.

You can feel another alcohol induced bathroom break coming on, so you get up, about to excuse yourself from the table when you look across the room and gasp - probably the most dramatic you’ve been in your entire life.

Because there she is. The girl in the photos, the girl who texted Auston this morning, the one he’s definitely been cheating on you with these past months.

And the sight of her makes you want to vomit.

Overall, you’re angry at the fact Auston would have the audacity to have you both here at the same time. You’re seeing red, and you know you’re staring - er, glaring - but you can’t help it. She seems to see something that piques her interest and leaves just as quickly as she came in, and you narrow your eyes, looking away and starting to search the crowd for Auston’s face, ready to punch it and break his nose.

Instead of Auston, you see Freddie watching you, clear guilt and regret all over his face and you glare at him, calling him on his lie.

A brief moment of intuition calls upon you, and you follow after the girl, can see in your peripheral that Freddie is trying to move through the crowd to follow you (probably to stop you) but you’re faster, making it through the restaurant and outside.

It doesn’t take long for you to find what you’re looking for. They’re only a few feet from the entrance, Auston kissing her like he’s been with her longer than he’s been with you.

Which in retrospect, could be totally true.

At the sight of them together, confirming everything, you feel a giant weight lift off of your shoulders, and you know this is it - this is your chance to leave.

Auston doesn’t see you, and you take it upon yourself leave before he notices you’re there, running back inside to get your stuff to leave.

There are no tears, no words, no anger left. Only determination that this is the last time you’re going to let this boy toss you around and treat you like this.

When you make it back to the table and begin collecting your things, Mitch and Steph are the only ones there, and they can tell you’re upset.

“What’s wrong?” Steph asks, trying to stop you.

“Auston’s cheating on me. So I’m leaving.”

“What?!” Mitch exclaims.

His outburst captures Christina’s attention from a few feet away, and she’s at the table in seconds. “What’s going on?”

“She says Auston’s cheating on her.” Steph explains, trying to keep her voice low as to not draw a crowd. Christina isn’t surprised - given that you’ve already told her, but she still doesn’t look very happy at the news.

“He is.” You say matter-of-factly. “Freddie knows. And if you don’t believe it, go outside. I’m sure Auston’s still there with whatever-her-name-is.”

You don’t want to draw any more attention to this, so you leave, tossing a “goodbye” over your shoulders and leaving out of the back entrances, getting into one of the awaiting cabs on the street and heading home.

In your wake, Mitch is still in disbelief. There’s  _no way_  that Auston would ever do such a thing to you - you who Mitch knows that Auston is completely in love with. He has to see this for himself.

Steph and Christina move first, and Mitch follows closely behind until they’re outside. He spots them immediately, sees Auston with some random girl all over him and…

And damn it. You were right.

And you have every right to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

Auston sighs to himself, thinking maybe he just missed you on his first go around of the restaurant and starts on his second search, trying to figure out where you’d run off to. He asks Fred and Matt and both Connors, but they all say that they haven’t seen you for the past half hour.

There’s a slight panic that makes his heart beat a little harder in his chest, but he pushes it aside because he knows it can’t be. He was so careful, and to be honest, he feels accomplished that no one suspected anything when he followed Charlotte outside, and that he managed to end things calmly.

“I’m in love with my fiance.” Auston had said. “I thought I wanted this, I thought I wanted someone new, but I don’t. I’m sorry.”

And she had understood, asked him for one last kiss goodbye - which he granted, felt like it was the least he could do - before he called an uber for her and closed that terrible chapter of his life.

He’d met Charlotte at a club one night - loved how outgoing and lively and  _different_ she was, and like an idiot, he pursued her, wanted to figure out how she could make him feel different. In truth, all she made him feel was guilty.

Guilty that he cheated, wished he never did, but he can’t shake it or change it. He thinks he was hoping that if he was around her more, treated you different and pushed you away that he’d figure out what he was missing.

Which now that he thinks about it, is probably the dumbest thing he’s ever thought of.

However, he also can’t deny that Charlotte scratched an itch he didn’t think he could get from you anymore, but none of that means he loves you any less. And in thinking about what he has with you, compared to what little he had with Charlotte, he realizes that he’s the biggest idiot on the planet, and while Charlotte’s a great girl, she’s not his girl, could never be with him or make him feel the way that you do.

So he did the right thing and ended it before it could go any further. And it went far enough - Auston could see the damage he created in becoming distant, in pushing you away and not being the best that you deserved. He’s trying to rectify that now - trying to be a good boyfriend, a good fiance, but he’s struggling.

Because deep down he knows he fucked up, and he doesn’t deserve you, and you should’ve left him months ago.

He swears to himself when he finishes his sweep and his still can’t find you, so he pulls out his phone, dialing your number but it goes right to voicemail. If you’re phone’s dead, then there’s absolutely no way he’ll be able to find you alone.

Across the restaurant, he sees Mitch, Steph, Marty, Syd, and Christina sitting at a table, all of them looking particularly upset, Mitch sitting with his head in his hands. He approaches the table, rubbing a hand on Mitch’s back.

“Had one too many there, bud?”

Mitch looks up at him and glares, which Auston assumes means “yes,” but then he takes a look at the rest of the table and realizes they’re all looking at him like that.

“What?” He says, taking an instinctive step back. “What’s going on?”

They don’t answer him, and Syd scoffs, looking back down at her phone. And when he notices that Christina is glaring at him, he tucks his proverbial tail between his legs. “Okay…well, I was wondering if you guys knew where I might find my fiance?”

Steph whips her head at Auston, eyes narrows when she says “Oh,  _now_  you care where she is.”

And.. _.what_? “What?” He questions, tone harsh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Christina says “She probably saw you with your little side piece and left.”

Auston freezes, blood draining from his body. “What?”

Syd looks up from her phone and shakes her head at him. “You’re pathetic. Truly pathetic. You’re engaged to her and you treat her like shit for  _months_ , cheat on her, and have the gall to ask where she went after she saw you kissing whoever the fuck that was.”

“She saw?” No. There’s no way. He was so careful.

Mitch frowns at the fact that he’s not even trying to deny it. “What the fuck man.”

“Where is she?” Auston demands.

“Gone.” Christina says. “She’s gone.”

-

You wake up in the morning on your own, your dreams not much better than your current reality.

Against your better judgement, you decide to turn your phone back on, shutting your eyes to give it time to catch itself back up to speed, listening to the succession of vibrations that go off for a good two minutes.

Once it’s stopped, you unlock it, only to find about a hundred text messages from Auston, Mitch, Steph, Syd, Christina, Freddie, and Connor Carrick, asking where you are and asking about the situation. Auston’s called about fifty times, a there’s three voicemails, one from Auston, one from Freddie, and one from Mitch. You decide to start with Mitch’s first, since he’s the one you’re least mad at.

“I’m so sorry.” He says, voice quiet and exhausted. “I know that you probably think that I knew about it, but I swear to you that I didn’t. And I’m sorry that I didn’t notice what he was doing. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend, and that I couldn’t stop it. Text me that you’re okay whenever you get to…well, wherever it is that you’re going. Or, uh, text Steph, if you’re more comfortable with her. I understand if you’d be mad at me…so, uh, yeah, just, let one of us know that you’re okay.”

You sigh, putting it on your mental checklist to check in with Mitch once you’ve settled in. It makes you feel a little worse that he’s feeling at fault for it.

Auston’s mistakes affect everyone, you guess.

You play the one from Freddie next, and it’s short, sweet, and to the point. “I’m sorry. I should have told you, but I just couldn’t. Call Auston, please, he’s worried sick.”

At that message, you scoff in annoyance. You gave Freddie the chance to be honest with you and he didn’t take it.  _So screw him._

You take a deep breath as you hover over the play button of Auston’s message, psyching yourself up to hear his voice. As angry as you are with him, you love him - you love him so much, but he took your heart and broke it and threw away the pieces before you had a chance to try to pick them up and put them back together yourself.

Pressing play, you shut your eyes as his voice fills the space around you.

“Baby please.” His voice is thick, and he’s sobbing, and throughout the four years you’ve been with him, you’ve only ever seen him cry three times, and none of them sounded anything like this. “Please baby, I’m so fucking sorry. I am, I just -” He nearly chokes on a breath, crying harder. “I know I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you, but please baby just  _come home_ , come back to me so we can talk about this!” He pauses, and you can hear him crying a little more before he takes a calming breath. “Baby….I….Please call me back, answer my texts, something, anything to let me know that you’re okay. I owe you about a thousand explanations and apologies, I know, but please, even if you don’t want to hear it just let me know that you’re okay. If you won’t come home, if you won’t come back to me, just let me know that you’re okay.”

You find yourself crying by the time his voice cuts out, and it takes everything inside of you not to run right back into his arms. You curl up into a ball, allowing yourself the moment and time to cry, to hurt, to ache.

The man you loved and gave your everything to for the last four years just kissed another woman in front of your eyes less than twenty four hours ago, confirming your worst fears and suspicions - so you deserved the minute to be as emotional as you wanted.

But that’s all you’d give yourself.

You were a firm believer in taking time to be sad and mope, but once that time was done, it was done, and you were going to pick yourself up and keep going.

-

Auston can hear footsteps approaching his bedroom and he groans internally, not wanting to deal with this, but against his will the door opens and footsteps approach his bedside before the blankets are ripped away from over his body and he’s exposed to the daylight streaming in through the windows.

He blinks for a second until his eyes adjust, and his mother is there, frowning down at him.

“It’s almost two in the afternoon.” She says. Her tone is neither loving nor sympathetic.

He doesn’t respond, reaches for the blanket but his mother yanks it off of his bed entirely.

“Ma!” He protests, frowning and sitting up.

“¡Basta!” She exclaims, rolling up his blanket and throwing it in his hamper, dragging it to the side of his bed. “Get up and wash your clothes. If you’re going to be here to mope, you could at least clean up after yourself.”

Auston wants to groan, but knows better than to do so, so he mumbles a “yes ma,” and sits up as she nearly slams his door behind her.

Needless to say, Ema was none too happy when her only son showed up on her doorstep with a suitcase and tears in his eyes, figuring the worst had happened. But when she brought him inside, after a bowl of pozole and large glass horchata, Auston told her the truth.

About everything.

He told his mother that the last time he’d been in Arizona, the real reason that you didn’t come with him is because he told you not to, and not because you were working, which is the excuse he gave his family. He told Ema that for the past few months, and during his last trip to Arizona, he’d been cheating on you.

And well…

She slapped him.

It was well deserved, he knew that, but he also didn’t expect that from his mother. Auston knew that Ema liked you a lot, more than any of his other girlfriends. When he proposed, Ema was through the roof with excitement, couldn’t wait for the big day.

It wasn’t until dinner with his family one night, when his sisters had their boyfriends over, that Auston looked at all the couples around the table and felt alone, isolated, that he realized he shouldn’t have to feel like that, because he had you. He has been so caught up in seeking gratification and validation from other people, he forgot completely that he had it with you. He forgot that everything Charlotte had offered him, you gave to him already, you’d given it to him, and more, and he…felt like an asshole.

He realized that in all of his selfishness, he was losing you. Thought back to his behavior, the late nights, secrets, the fact that he betrayed you in the worst kind of way, and that you still stuck by him through all of it. He knew that if anything was going to get better, if he was going to be able to make it up to you, he had to leave Charlotte, and he didn’t even think twice.

Auston told his mother that he knew what he did was terrible and he wanted to stop but didn’t know how. He told her about Charlotte, how after he left Arizona that he wanted to fix things, make them go back to the way they were and try to repair your relationship.

But then karma came back to bite him in the ass when Charlotte came to Toronto unannounced and unwelcomed - the morning after you had sex together for the first time in awhile, no less, although he didn’t tell his mother that part - and that he immediately met up with her to turn her down and say goodbye - which is what he did.

He ended things, but Charlotte wouldn’t let up. She showed up to the team dinner and he told her it was over, for good, and he allowed her one last kiss goodbye. But you saw, you put two and two together and now you were gone.

Ema had no sympathy in her voice when she told him “Good. I’m glad. You don’t deserve her.”

Auston stared at her with a hurt expression on his face, but Ema shook her head. “No. You proposed to her, and then nine months later you decide to cheat on her? You can’t come here to look for sympathy just because I’m your mother. I taught you better, I raised you better, and you made this choice on your own. Now you have to suffer the consequences.”

She had taken his bowl of pozole and unfinished glass of horchata and put them in the sink, then left him alone in his misery.

It’s been like that for the last two weeks - and Auston can feel the disappointment from her everyday. His dad knows too, and he’s not as outwardly expressive as his mother, but Auston knows his father is just as upset. His sisters? Forget it. Alex and Bre can barely look at him anymore.

And he deserves it. Every bit of their scrutiny and criticism. He knows he’s not the real victim here, but he knows that he broke your heart and caused you pain, so he doesn’t care, he’ll take all the abuse.

He misses you. Misses you so much and hates that the only reason you’re not here with him right now is because of his own idiotic choices. He still loves you so much, even though he knows he sucks at showing it. Those few moments he had with you before it all fell apart - the dates, the nights indoors, sleeping together in the same bed, the makeout sessions - he’d give anything to get it all back.

He just needed to figure out what he was going to do.

-

You’ve got several tabs open as you look online for hotels or Air BnB’s and places to rent back in Toronto, knowing that you’ll have to go back to work soon. Your boss was forgiving and understanding of your situation, told you to take as much time as you needed what with all your vacation time saved up, but nearly three weeks without a paycheck was starting to burn a hole in your pocket. You had to get back to work, but you knew that you couldn’t possibly go back to the place you had with Auston. You’d taken everything of yours out of that home - there was no going back.

You sigh, setting your mug on the coffee table as the front door opens, your older brother Scott trailing in, his dog Nola trailing behind him and wagging her tail happily when she sees you.

Scott’s an athletic trainer at Syracuse University, and when you called him the night you left Auston, he immediately told you to come to him, to stay with him. And staying with him was nice - he gave you your space, let you talk and vent when you needed to but never pushed you, never expressed his anger or his opinions unless you asked for it.

While you missed being around your brother, you also knew you couldn’t hide here forever.

“How’s the search going?” He asks, plopping onto the couch next to you.

You shrug. “Unsuccessful, if I’m honest.”

He rubs your shoulder comfortingly. “Maybe you need a break. C’mon. Let’s go get lunch or something, okay? Then when we get back I’ll help you out.”

You nod, getting up and putting on your shoes, follow Scott out to his car.

He brings you to a little bistro where the two of you tuck into some soup in a bread bowl, and Scott tells you that he doesn’t mind having you around, that you can move in with him, that he’d help you get a job at the University because they had plenty of open positions.

“You don’t have to go back, you know.” He says. “You don’t have to go back if it means being around him again.”

You sigh, shaking your head. “I don’t even know that he’s in Toronto. For all I know he could be with her somewhere, maybe lounging on a beach or whatever.”

Scott frowns. “I hope he’s rotting wherever he is.” And at your wince, he sighs. “Sorry, I just…I am still your brother, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

You grab the trash on the table, standing to throw it away as Scott excuses himself to the bathroom. You decide to get back in line, staring at the baked goods and deciding which one to take home when there’s a tap on your shoulder.

You turn, half expecting Scott, but your heart sinks into your body when you see who it actually is.

“Jack?” You ask in disbelief. There’s no reason for him to be here in Syracuse when Buffalo was a good two hours away. There’s no reason for him to be in New York at all with it still being the off season.

He smiles, pulling you into a hug, which is how you know that Jack has no idea that you and Auston…

Well, you can’t say that you broke up, not really, but you definitely aren’t on good terms at the moment.

“It’s so good to see you!” Jack says, then pulls back. “What are you doing here? Where’s Auston?”

“I’m just visiting my older brother, Scott.” You say, ignoring the second part of his question.

Jack nods. “Sweet, well hey, let me pay.”

You immediately protest, not feeling comfortable about this for multiple reasons, but Jack shakes his head. “Hey, no, it’s cool. I’ve gotta get going after this, but just let me do it, y’know? Taking care of my boy’s fiance.”

You go quiet as you approach the front of the line, ordering your sweets as Jack swipes his card, handing you the box of your pastries. You say thank you and give him a hug goodbye, leaving right as Scott exits the bathroom.

Your heart is beating in your chest on the drive back to Scott’s place, and you bypass your laptop on the coffee table, placing your pastries on the kitchen counter and heading straight for the guest room, where you’d been staying. You flop onto the bed, screaming into your pillow in annoyance.

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t seem to escape Auston, or the parts of your lives together, or the parts of his life that had wiggled their way into your own.

It only gets worse when you feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket, and you take it out to see that you’re getting a Facetime call.

From Freddie.

You don’t answer it, pressing the red button and tossing your phone to the side. But seconds later, your phone vibrates again, this time from Kappy.

“What the fuck.” You hiss. You opt for the automatic response for Kappy,  **Can’t talk, what’s up?**

Before you can even put it down again, Freddie is calling back, which you reject.

You gave him the opportunity to talk to you, to be honest, and he chose to lie and be a dick. So fuck him.

Kappy’s next text comes in.  **can u at least answer me if not freddie?**

And that…fuck no.

**No.**

But Kappy’s persistent. He FaceTimes you again and you answer out of annoyance.

“What the fuck do you two want.” You deadpan.

Kappy frowns. “I just wanted to talk.”

“Then why are you with  _him._ ”

Freddie actually looks regretful, hurt by your words when he says “I wanted to apologize. I never should have lied to you.”

“But you did. And now we’re here.”

“I told you to break up with him first.”

“And I gave you the opportunity to be honest and you chose not to be. And now we’re here. Had you just been honest with me  _like I asked_  then maybe things would be different.”

“Guys!” Kappy says. “Look. All of us, all of us who helped Auston - we’re no better than he is. Okay? And we’re sorry,” he says to you. “We’re sorry.”

“Whatever.” You say. “Are we done here?”

“We just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Freddie says.

You scoff. “Well I’m not. My fiance cheated on me and everyone else was in on the joke but me. So no. I’m not fucking okay, Frederik. I’m heartbroken and I’m in pain and I would appreciate it if the two of you would leave me the fuck alone.”

“Where are you?” Kappy asks.

“None of your business.”

“Are you in Toronto?”

“Like I said,  _none of your fucking business._ ”

Freddie looks agitated. “Well, just know that we’re sorry. And we’d do anything to help you.”

The price tags of some of the apartments for rent pop up in your mind. You’d never taken advantage of their salaries before, not even Auston’s, but now? It didn’t sound so bad.

“Anything?”

-

Training camp was kicking Auston’s ass.

The season was set to start in a month and a half, and getting back in shape physically had been fine, but mentally? That was another struggle.

He’d been alone in the house for almost two months now, missing you more and more everyday. He’d tried to check on you via social media, but you’d either stopped posting or blocked him altogether, and he did text you a couple of times asking to talk, but had gotten no response.

Auston doesn’t remember the last time he had to be in Toronto without you, and it feels weird. Foreign.

Lonely.

He drives by your work everyday to see if he could just catch a glimpse of you, but he never does. He wonders if you even work there anymore, if you’re even in Toronto anymore.

The thought of losing you for good without the chance to apologize, to explain, to tell you that he loves you, to say goodbye - it kills him inside.

He has nightmares most nights, ones that keep him up sometimes because he’s afraid to go back to sleep. They’re always terrible - most of them about the two of you in situations where you get hurt and he can’t save you.

The lack of sleep, over exertion at the gym and in the rink, lack of mental and emotional commitment to anything - it was starting to eat at him.

Not to mention that a lot of the guys had shut him out. Mitch and Matt could only talk to him at practice because if Steph or Syd caught wind that Auston was around, they’d throw a fit. But even at practice they were distant. Tyler and Patrick didn’t speak to him much either, their wives making their opinions known. Willy, Kappy, and Freddie were the only ones who bothered to be around him, Mo making an appearance every now and again.

Overall, Auston’s decisions had affected everyone.

“What can I do?” He asks Freddie one night when he’s over playing video games. “I can’t just let her go.”

Freddie shrugs. “I don’t know man. She hasn’t responded to you?”

“No, and I have no idea where she is.”

Freddie sighs. “I’m sorry man, I wish I could help you. I know you want her back.”

Auston fights back tears. “Yeah.”

Little did Auston know, Freddie could help in more ways than one.

First Freddie was keeping Auston’s secrets from you, and now he’s keeping your secrets from Auston.

How the tables turn.


	3. Chapter 3

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t seem to escape Auston, or the parts of your lives together, or the parts of his life that had wiggled their way into your own.

It only gets worse when you feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket, and you take it out to see that you’re getting a Facetime call.

From Freddie.

You don’t answer it, pressing the red button and tossing your phone to the side. But seconds later, your phone vibrates again, this time from Kappy.

“What the fuck.” You hiss. You opt for the automatic response for Kappy,  **Can’t talk, what’s up?**

Before you can even put it down again, Freddie is calling back, which you reject.

You gave him the opportunity to talk to you, to be honest, and he chose to lie and be a dick. So fuck him.

Kappy’s next text comes in.  **can u at least answer me if not freddie?**

And that…fuck no.

**No.**

But Kappy’s persistent. He FaceTimes you again and you answer out of annoyance.

“What the fuck do you two want.” You deadpan.

Kappy frowns. “I just wanted to talk.”

“Then why are you with  _him_.”

Freddie actually looks regretful, hurt by your words when he says “I wanted to apologize. I never should have lied to you.”

“But you did. And now we’re here.”

“I told you to break up with him first.”

“And I gave you the opportunity to be honest and you chose not to be. And now we’re here. Had you just been honest with me  _like I asked_  then maybe things would be different.”

“Guys!” Kappy says. “Look. All of us, all of us who helped Auston - we’re no better than he is. Okay? And we’re sorry,” he says to you. “We’re sorry.”

“Whatever.” You say. “Are we done here?”

“We just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Freddie says.

You scoff. “Well I’m not. My fiance cheated on me and everyone else was in on the joke but me. So no. I’m not fucking okay, Frederik. I’m heartbroken and I’m in pain and I would appreciate it if the two of you would leave me the fuck alone.”

“Where are you?” Kappy asks.

“None of your business.”

“Are you in Toronto?”

“Like I said,  _none of your fucking business_.”

Freddie looks agitated. “Well, just know that we’re sorry. And we’d do anything to help you.”

The price tags of some of the apartments for rent pop up in your mind. You’d never taken advantage of their salaries before, not even Auston’s, but now? It didn’t sound so bad.

“Anything?”

Freddie raises a brow at you, and it’s silent for a minute, and he and Kappy can both tell you’re about to drive a hard bargain. “Name your price.”

“An apartment.” You say. “Now that he and I aren’t together, I don’t have a place to stay, and I only have enough to cover a security deposit, and first and last month’s rent. I can’t cover the whole lease.”

Freddie nods. “I’ll take care of it. How long do you need the place for?”

“At least a year. Just enough for me to save up.”

Kappy’s quiet, face somber when he asks “Where are you going after a year?”

“Syracuse maybe,” you say. “Get a new job at the University, work with my brother.”

Freddie sighs. “I’ll get you your place. But only if you agree not to take off and run once the lease is up. Just…give it some time, okay? Please?”

-

“Will you please just lift your side?” Freddie says, exasperated.

Kappy huffs at him. “Sorry we’re not all abnormally large,  _Frederik_.”

“How about both of you just put the couch down? The pizza’s here.” You say. Both boys place the couch down where you instructed them to and head into the kitchen, taking a slice from the box.

You watch Kappy take a large bite of the gluten free pizza you got for the boys and moan in happiness. He catches you staring and laughs a little. “Don’t tell coach.”

You smile happily, pressing a finger to your lips.

It’s been a month since Freddie agreed to help you out, and now the Leafs are in their last few weeks of training camp. Freddie and Kappy agreed to help you move in in their spare time, which outside of practice was almost all of the time.

Most of it involved getting your things out of storage, but Freddie insisted on getting you new furniture and appliances, because “If I’m paying for this place I at least get a say in how it looks.”

They’ve been here for about three hours, since they got out of practice, neither one of them mentioning your sort of ex boyfriend/fiance out of respect.

Freddie’s been quiet for most of the night, only murmured a quiet “hi” when he came in, asking you where you want things and responding to Kappy’s smart ass remarks, but other than that? Nothing.

You guys eat in a comfortable silence, watching a movie on TV and Kappy’s stomach growls. He gets up to head to your kitchen to order more food, leaving you and Freddie alone in the living room, him sitting on your new loveseat and you curled up on the couch.

“Hey, um,” he starts, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “Can I just…say something?”

“Of course,” You say. “Take your time.”

“I just…I really wanted to apologize to you. Face to face. I uh, I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, especially after you gave me a chance to be honest and I didn’t take it. I just want you to know even if you don’t forgive me that I am extremely sorry that he put you through that and that I couldn’t tell you the truth when you needed to hear it most. and if this place,” he says, gesturing around him, “is something that I can give you make up for it, then I’ll take it.”

You frown. “Freddie I…if you feel like you have to do this…if this is guilt money, then I-”

“No.” He insists, leaning forward. From where he sits, he reaches out, placing a hand on your knee. “This isn’t guilt money, this is…this is about me doing whatever I can to make this right. Look, about what you said…in the restaurant, about me not liking you. That’s not true.”

“Freddie you don’t have to-

“Just hear me out, okay? You’re a beautiful girl and you’ve been nothing but nice to me and I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same for you earlier. And I promise, I won’t tell Auston about this, about you being back in town, about any of it. I’m not here as his friend or his teammate, I’m here as your friend, or, someone who wants to be your friend, if that’s okay.”

You can’t help but smile at him, nodding a little. “Yeah. That’d be okay. I could use a friend.”

-

A few nights later, Freddie is back at your place in sweatpants and a hoodie, tongue poked out a little in concentration as he helps you assemble the last of your new IKEA furniture. He’s been there for almost four hours, and told you he planned on staying late.

You’re both a little drunk from the beer he brought, stomachs full from the food you had delivers, and you’ve been flipping back from making furniture and watching Pixar movies in between.

He’s working on putting together a nightstand for your room, attaching the legs when he clears his throat, looking at you with a regretful face.

“What?” You ask, taking a swing of your seventh beer of the night.

Freddie clears his throat. “So I uh…I went to your old place the other night. The place you and Auston lived?”

“Auston’s place, yes, I get it Freddie. What of it?”

“I know you probably don’t care, or that you probably don’t want to know. But he’s still my friend, you know? And he’s…Auston is really torn up. He keeps asking me about you. When I was there, he was looking at his texts, his phone calls. He kept asking why you hadn’t responded. That he didn’t know where you were, but he definitely wants you back.”

You huff, facing the TV again. “Well he should’ve thought about that before he chose another girl over his fiancé.”

Freddie winces. “I know. I’m not defending him, or saying you should give him another chance or forgive him or whatever. But maybe talk to him? Reach out and let him know you’re okay?”

You shake your head. “Who cares? He doesn’t get to know how I’m doing or where I am.”

“Don’t you care about how he’s doing?”

“Is he alive?”

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Then that’s all I care about. Freddie look, I don’t…I just don’t know that I’m ready to face him again, okay? He hurt me. A lot. I don’t know that I’m ready to forgive him or come to terms with it. Haven’t you had your heart broken before?” Freddie shakes his head, and you sigh.

“It’s like being drained. Like someone reached into your chest and ripped your heart from its place and stole your breath, like being ripped apart in the worst ways, like…like you’re being torn limb from limb but you’re too numb to scream or fight back. It’s the worst pain you can think of without physically being able to fix it or watch it heal. It’s miserable. And while I don’t like being miserable, I don’t want to be with the person who made me miserable.”

Freddie is quiet for a minute, then says “if it hurts so much, why are you still wearing your engagement ring?”

You sigh. “Because Freddie, I may be miserable, but I still love him even though he stopped loving me, even though he made the choice to love someone else. He was ready to give up on us and I wasn’t. Being blindsided like that…it takes time to come to terms with the fact that you have to get over someone you thought you were going to share the same last name with.”

He nods, unsure of what to say as he places in another screw. “Well…he loves you. Maybe not the way he used to or the way you want, I’m not sure, but I can tell he still loves you. And cares about you. And he’s torn up about it. But I also get where you’re coming from. So just…maybe think about it, okay?”

You can only nod, standing from your place next to him on the floor, taking your empty beer bottles as you rise. “I’m going to get another beer.”

-

It’s the last free day before preseason starts, and Auston decides instead of moping in the house the two of you used to share, that he’s going to go out to lunch with Kappy, Freddie, Willy, Mitch, Steph, Matt, Syd, Naz, and the Bozaks.

At first, it’s great. Everyone talking about their fun summer thus far, laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

And it isn’t until Kanon starts crying that Auston’s day kind of takes a turn.

He looks at Tyler and his wife Molly and how they comfort Kanon, how they both act as a tag team to soothe his cries until he’s calm again, nibbling on a french fry.

And then Auston’s jealous. And sad. And heartbroken again, and all he wants to do is go back home and cuddle up in your pillow, put on one of his hoodies that you always wore, and try to force himself to sleep.

He knows that if he just got his shit together and stopped being such an idiot and stopped being so unfaithful then he’d still be with you.

He wishes he could go back to the day he decided to stray to smack himself in the face.

He wishes you were by his side, and he knows that the only person he has to blame is himself.

He tears his eyes away from the Bozaks to excuse himself from the table, and Kappy and Freddie follow him.

“What are you doing dude?” Kappy interjects grabbing Auston’s phone from him.

“I’m gonna call her. I can’t deal with this anymore. I need to hear her voice, I need to at least know that she’s okay.”

Freddie shakes his head. “No dude, leave her alone.”

Auston narrows his eyes at both of them. “Do you know something I don’t know? Why won’t you let me call her?”

“Because you cheated on her and we helped you cover it up.” Kappy says, saving both his own ass and Freddie’s. “We’re just as guilty as you, which means that we know more than anyone how hurt she is, how upset she is, and that you need to give her space.”

Freddie nods, says “We lied to her for you.”

“No one asked you to.” Auston counters.

“Well of course not. You didn’t have to ask us because we’re your friends, your brothers. You shouldn’t have to ask.” Freddie says. “We took the fall for you, and now we’re telling you to back off and let her be. She’ll talk to you when she’s good and ready.”

“It’s been nearly three months, Fred.” Auston says, pained. “How much longer does she need?”

“As long as she wants,” Kappy says. “You got to decide whether or not you loved her and came home to her, now she gets to decide the same.”

-

You’re out with your friends Brooke and Cassidy at a local club you haven’t been to since before you got engaged. They insisted that since you were a single woman (albeit still wearing your engagement ring, the one thing you had yet to be able to part with from your relationship with Auston) that it was high time you get back out there and have a girls’ night out.

You were truly having fun, dancing to the music and frequenting the bar, alcohol coursing through you pleasantly. You, Brooke, and Cassidy decided to have a seat back in your booth, relaxing for a minute as you ordered another round of drinks. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch the TV at the bar, and suddenly your eyes are locked on, can’t look away.

There’s a preseason game on, Leafs versus Sabres, and you can see number thirty four skating around effortlessly before he takes a shot, the puck flying into the back of the net with finesse. There are a few cheers from people at the bar who are watching, and you look away, trying not to think about it.

A few more dances and drinks later, the game is over and the Leafs win 2-1. It’s barely half an hour later when you notice a few boys from the Sabres enter the club, a couple of them definitely not of age but getting through anyway.

Your friends are on the dance floor and you sit in your booth near the bar, watching highlights from the game. You’re too wrapped up in watching Auston’s post game interview that you don’t notice the man who spots you almost instantly, idling up beside you and saying “Hey beautiful, can I buy you a drink?”

You turn, ready to let the guy down eyasy when recognition sets in, and you smile, throwing your arms around him as he embraces you right back in a hug. “Jack!” You squeal.

He smiles, and you can feel his breath blowing your hair as he laughs. “Hi there. I see you saw the game.”

“I did, sorry you lost.”

“That’s okay,” he says. “I’m sure you’re happy Auston won anyway, seeing as he scored the first goal in the second.”

You wince, the liquid courage telling you now is a good time as any to tell him the truth.

“Jack, there’s something you should know.”

He raises a brow at you, curious. “Oh?”

“Auston and I…we’re not…he cheated on me.”

Jacks eyes are wide, with shock, and then an unreadable expression crosses his face. “So when I saw you in Syracuse, when you were with your brother, you-”

“I found out three weeks before that.”

“Fuck…I’m sorry.” He says. “You didn’t deserve that.”

You ignore his statement. “I don’t know what he and I are, not at the minute. I just know that we’re not together right now, if that makes sense?”

Jack nods. “He never deserved you, you know.”

“I don’t…um…”

“You don’t believe me, do you? Well that’s definitely his fault, but it’s the truth. You were always too good for him. Out of his league.”

“Jack I-”

“I’m not trying to hit on you. I’m only telling you the truth.” Jack stands from his barstool, waving the bartender over to reorder drinks. “He didn’t deserve you, and if he doesn’t get that by now then he’s an idiot.”

You can’t say anything else, don’t really know what else to say. He hands you your drink once the bartender hands them over, and you take it with a quiet thank you, staring down at the liquid.

“He seemed off his game tonight.” Jack says.

You look up at him, brow raised in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know like…if you care or not? But he was distracted tonight. Even if they won…he was definitely distracted, didn’t seem like himself. It makes sense now, now that you’ve told me.”

You move to respond when you see another group of boys pile in through the front door, this time, from the Leafs.

Freddie sees you and Jack talking to one another and immediately approaches you, a frantic look on his face when he says “You need to leave.”

“Excuse me?” You ask.

Jack frowns, placing a hand on Freddie’s shoulder. “Dude she can do what she wants.”

“No,” Kappy says, coming up from behind. “You don’t get it. Auston’s gonna be here in any minute and you need to go home.”

“I don’t care,” you say, “he can find a different club to go to and so can all of you. I was here first.”

Freddie tries to pull you to stand, and much to your surprise, and to his, you resist. Freddie groans, “Will you please just _go_?”

But it’s too late. Auston walks through the door with Willy, Mitch, and Matt, and spots you instantly. Your heart drops, but Auston’s breaks so loud he feels like his entire body is crumbling.

Because there you are, his entire world, the one that got away, the only woman he’ll ever love.

And you’re with his friends. His friends who kept you from him.

And all he sees is red, and blue, and he doesn’t know what to do.

-

Your heart drops when you see Auston. He’s filled out - gotten thicker with muscle, scruff lining his face, skin tan from the Arizona sun, and your body reacts, wanting nothing more than to pull him to you and kiss him until you’re dizzy and you’re grinding your pussy against his thigh.

You fight it off - ignoring your earlier resolve to stay here and thinking okay, maybe Freddie is right and you do need to leave.

Jack can see it in your eyes that you’re going to bolt. “Did you come here alone?”

You shake your head. “Came with friends. They’re dancing right now though.”

You try to stand and wobble a little, and Jack says “I’ll bring you home.”

You agree with a curt nod, and Jack is escorting you out through the back door, moving fast as he requests a Lyft. He stops to allow you to enter your address in, taking his phone back once you’re done. He looks behind you both back toward the bar, and then he’s grabbing your hand, pulling you toward the exit.

You take a glance behind you to see what has Jack moving so quickly, and notice that Auston is weaving his way through the crowd to get to the bar, where he probably thinks you’re still sitting. You see him yelling at Freddie and Kappy who are holding him back, and just as you make it through the back door, you can see Auston’s eyes searching for you.

You miss him  _so fucking much_.

Jack leads you up the block a little, puts his jacket around you as you wait. You’re quiet, staring at your feet.

“He still loves you.” Jack says. “I mean…granted I didn’t know you were broken up till about five minutes ago, but the way he looked at you when he saw you? He still loves you.”

“I know.”

“He’s still a fucking asshat for cheating on you.”

“I know.”

Jack huffs. “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You say, taking a glance at him. He’s smiling at you, but you can tell there’s a little pity behind his eyes. “I should be sorry, you’re supposed to be in there partying, relieving stress.”

“I can do that another time.” Jack says. “Right now I’m just trying to make sure you get home okay.”

“I don’t want Auston to-“

“He won’t be mad. And he knows better than to assume I’m stealing his girl.” His eyes widen as he corrects himself. “Uh…ex girl.”

The Lyft pulls up then, abruptly ending conversation. Jack takes the front seat and allows you some time to yourself in the back.

He and the driver chat the whole time, providing background noise on your way home. You try not to think about how good Auston looked, but you can’t help it. As much as you hate him for everything he did, you know deep down you still love him, even if it may not be the same.

-

When you wake up the next morning, your head feels like it might fall off of your shoulder. The alcohol combined with your resurfacing heartbreak does you in, and you’re ready to stay in bed all day, but you know better.

You’re done moping, done whining about Auston when he clearly didn’t give a damn about you before.

You head into your bathroom, brushing your teeth and taking some advil before hopping in the shower to help feel like yourself again. You put on your favorite pair of Nike leggings and an oversized crewneck sweater, brushing your hair as you enter your living room.

Jack is there, awake and on his phone from where he slept on your couch. When he sees you, he sits up, and you gesture to your room. “You can use my bathroom if you want. I have an extra toothbrush in the top left drawer. And if you need a shower I have another towel on the rack.”

He nods, excusing himself as he goes and you take the free time to yourself to make coffee and start on breakfast. When Jack emerges from the bathroom, he’s got a towel wrapped around his waist and a slight blush on his face. If this was the first time you’ve seen him shirtless, maybe you’d be a little more embarrassed, but over the years you and Auston have seen plenty of everyone, Jack included, so it didn’t really bother you.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any clothes I could fit?” He asks.

You giggle a little, turning the burner on low to not burn your egg whites as you head into your room and give him a pair of sweatpants and a shirt you stole from Auston and never had the heart to leave behind.

He takes them with a small thanks and retreats to the bathroom, and when he comes back out you’ve got egg whites, toast, coffee, and bacon for the both of you.

“Ugh. You’re the fucking best.” He says, taking a seat next to you at the kitchen island.

Jack keeps you entertained as you eat, telling you funny stories to distract you and he even helps you with the dishes.

When the last dish is put away, Jack turns to you, frowning slightly. “I have to leave to go back to the hotel so we can get ready to head back to Buffalo. Are you going to be okay? Did you want to come with me?”

You laugh, giving him a hug. “No Jack, I should be okay. Thank you though, for staying with me, making me feel better.”

He wraps you up just as tight in his arms, bending his head to press a kiss to your hair. “You may not be his fiance but you’re still my friend. Don’t forget that, alright?”

You nod as he pulls away, grabbing his phone and wallet from next to yours on the counter before he slips his sneakers back on. Jack opens the door, ready to toss another “goodbye” over his shoulders when he pauses suddenly, you running into his back.

“Jack? What-”

You look around him to see Freddie and Kappy standing in your doorway, both of them looking sheepish, tails between their legs while also looking surprised at Jack leaving your apartment.

Their shock is due to the fact that they didn’t come alone.

Auston stands behind them, an unreadable expression on his face as he takes you in, as well as Jack, and he raises a brow at his former teammate.

“Are those my clothes?” He asks, and Jack rolls his eyes in response.

“Relax asshole, I just borrowed them because I slept here in my suit and I didn’t have extra clothes. I didn’t bang your ex girlfriend.” He turns to you, giving you one last hug before moving past the boys, clapping a hand on Auston’s shoulder and telling him to “fix your shit,” before he shoves all three boys into your apartment, shutting the door behind them.

You’re a little shocked to see them all here, but that shock is quickly replaced with anger as you narrow your eyes at Freddie and Kappy. “What is /he/ doing here?”

“We told him the truth.” Kappy states.

Freddie steps forward and you take a step back, and he sighs, says “We told him that we’ve been hiding you. That you’ve been back here in Toronto, that we were keeping is a secret.”

“And why would you do that?” You ask, taking another step back into your living room.

“Because I wanted to apologize. Because I never got the chance to.” Auston says quietly from behind Kappy.

It’s his voice that finally draws your eyes to him, your heart pounding loudly in your chest as you take the sight of him in. You have to force the butterflies in your stomach to go away, focusing only at what he’s said.

“I don’t want your apology.” You say. “I don’t want anything from you.”

“Baby-”

“No Auston! I’m not your  _baby_  anymore. I don’t want anything from you, I don’t want an apology, I don’t want an explanation, I don’t want anything. You cheated on me, and that’s it. That’s where you and I ended.”

Freddie and Kappy sigh, taking a seat on your couch as you move into the kitchen, continuing your tirade. “I don’t care what it is you have to say, Auston. I’ve been in love with you for years and you propose to me, and then you cheat on me, and think I’m not going to find out? Think that I’m not going to care? That I’m just going to sit here and wait for you to love me back? Well I’m not. That’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works!”

You round on him, taking in his sullen expression and keep talking. “And to think, when you came back from Arizona, when you told me you were going to be the ‘man I deserved,’ I believed you! I believed you and I wanted that  _so bad_  but you threw all of that away to be with whoever she was. So I don’t want your apology, Auston, I don’t need it because I don’t care.”

“Well I care.” He counters.

“I don’t! Because you’re not apologizing for me. You’re not apologizing for my sake, you’re only doing it because you have a guilty conscience. Well your guilty conscience isn’t going to erase the fact that you made me fall in love with you and then you broke my fucking heart. You humiliated me, you made me feel like I wasn’t enough, you lied to my face, you put a ring on my finger and didn’t even think twice about what that meant, you broke  _me_ , Auston, and that’s what fucking sucks.”

“I know!” His increase in tone makes you wince, and he visibly reacts to that, wanting to pull you closer, wanting to apologize for yelling - because he’s never yelled before - but he knows he doesn’t have the right to touch you. Auston sighs instead, leaning against the counter to brace himself. “I know that I broke your heart. I know you don’t want me to apologize but I am sorry. I’m not sorry because I got caught, I’m sorry because it never should’ve happened in the first place. Because…because when I came back from Arizona I could tell that you knew and I just never had the balls to tell you the truth. I should’ve been better to you, and I wasn’t.”

He looks up at you, tears in his eyes. “You were my everything. And you still are. I still love you, and I know that you love me, but I know that I ruined it. But I…I look around our house and I just feel so empty. It feels empty. I’ve had you by my side for years, and now that I don’t…I don’t know who I am. I can’t remember what it was like to be without you, to not be able to come home to you, and I know I took advantage of that.”

He sighs deeply. “I was an idiot - I  _am_  an idiot, and Fred and Kap, they had every right to keep you from me. After what I did, I don’t deserve you, and I’m not here to ask you to come back to me. I just…I just want you to know that I’m sorry that I hurt you, and that I still love you. I want you to know that I’m so sorry I’m the reason we can’t be together. And if you ever need me, for anything, I won’t hesitate to be there for you.”

His words have you in tears, and you curl up in yourself, hands covering your face. You can hear him approach you and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest and keeping you there. He’s crying too, his tears falling onto your hair and you feel terrible.

This is the man you still love. Granted, you don’t want to be with him anymore, but the fact that he’s just as miserable as you definitely says something.

“We can’t go back to what we had before, Auston.” You say through your tears. “You’re important to me, but I can’t just…I can’t be your girlfriend again, I can’t be your fiance.”

He nods. “I know. I’m not asking for that.”

“Maybe…maybe friends is where we have to start again. Not…I don’t know if that can work right now, it’s still too new. But I-”

“Friends is fine.” He says. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m waiting. Right here. Friends is better than nothing.”

You can’t tell what you want from this, you just know you can’t have him in your life the way you used to. Maybe you can get back to it, but there’s no telling what the future holds.

So eventually you’ll start over. Maybe not today, but eventually.

As friends.


End file.
